Never Forget How Much I Love You
by Daddy's Girl 1999
Summary: After writing Never Forget, I decided to redo it and make it a series-each chapter will be two or more parts rolled into one


It is no secret that I have a soft spot for Detective Olivia Benson. She is the closest I've ever come to having a daughter. I would do anything for her, including laying down my life if that's what it takes. Today is her first day back after Sealview, and I plan on telling her how I feel. Life is too short, even shorter for us considering the dangerous nature of our jobs. I level a smile in her direction as she sits beside me on my office couch and take a deep breath. I can do this. I skip straight to the point and say, "Olivia, you're like a daughter to me."

Tears start pouring down from my eyes after he finished talking. I'm not lovable. After all, my mother spent my entire childhood reminding my of this. "You lost me at the first sentence."

Anger bubbled up inside of me. Damn you Serena, you left your only child believing she has nobody, that she isn't worth it. I can't help it when I gather Olivia into my arms, ignoring the punches and kicks she gives me for my effort.

I fight with all my strength to get away, but he keeps his hold on me. My mother's "You are a worthless piece of shit," mantra keeps running through my head, and I cry as I remember the scent of alcohol on her breath. Damn these tears. I try to wipe them away, but they won't stop. He's not gonna want me anymore because I am weak.

She thinks that I'm not gonna want her anymore because she's weak. That couldn't be farther from the truth. I take a deep breath before continuing. "You are not a weak person. You are one of the strongest people I know. The truth is that I saw how Sealview tore you up, and I realized that life is too short. I am determined to let you know just how much you mean to me. You are not unlovable honey. Let me in. Let it go. I'm right here. It's okay to cry. I won't judge you."

Something inside of me clicks, and I stop fighting against him. I let his words sink in, and let the feelings of love and safety wash over me. It feels so good that I don't give two shits about acting like a small child as I curl up closer to him.

I press a soft kiss to her hair and smile as she slowly starts to relax against me. I feel the fear and pain radiating from her body as she curls up closer to me. "Hey Livvy, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Olivia looks up at me through misty brown eyes before quickly burying her head in the crook of my neck. "Livvy honey, don't push me away. It's just you and me. Whatever it is you have to say, I won't be mad at you."

"Promise? Do you promise that no matter what I say, you'll stand by me? Because I can't deal with any more heartbreak and pain. There's only so much one can take."

"Always honey. I will always stand by you." I kiss her head and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Never forget how much I love you."

Olivia leans up and kisses my cheek. "I love you too."

I grasp his shirt as sobs heave my body. He places my head in his lap and combs his fingers through my long brown hair. "You can let go now. Let me in and let me love you." I let his words wash over me as I stop crying, leaning into his hand.

She leans into my hand, and a smile appears on my face as I continue gently combing through her hair. "Baby, I won't go anywhere. I am in it for the long haul. As long as you let me, I promise that I will be the best dad ever."

I reach up and snatch his hand. Taking it in between mine, I squeeze it before letting go. "You already are. You already are the best dad ever, and I don't intend on ever asking you to stop. It's just gonna take awhile to get used to. I never thought I would have a real parent, but you came into my life. Handed me my gold shield. How many dads actually get to give their little girls a gold shield? I am the luckiest girl in the entire galaxy because I have you as my dad."

My breath hitches as I stroke her cheek and smile down at her. "Well, I guess that makes me the luckiest guy in the entire galaxy if I have you as my daughter." I continue stroking her cheek, my smile widening when Liv leans into my touch. My heart pangs for Olivia. Her abysmal childhood left her starving for affection, affection that I am more than happy giving her. I love her to the moon and back. "Don, why me?" I look down at her, trying to convey all the love I have for her in my eyes.

"Why you for what baby?" I feel her slightly relax at the term of endearment. I keep caressing her, moving from her cheeks to her shoulders and down her arm before my hand comes to rest still against her cheek. "Why did my mom hate me and pimp me out just to make some easy money? Why did Lowell Harris rape me?"

"Oh precious. I haven't got a clue. It hurts my heart to see you sad. If I could take your place, I'd do it in a heartbeat."

I feel him rubbing my cheek in a circular motion and sigh as I lean into his hand. I am suddenly at a loss for words as sleep starts rapidly claiming me. I blink through the exhaustion, trying with no avail to fight it off. I don't want him to leave.

I sense that she is trying to fight off sleep, afraid that I will leave. "Shh baby, don't fight it precious. Get some sleep. I'm not going anywhere." I soon feel her breathing even out and hope that my presence keeps the nightmares away. My little girl deserves the world, and I wouldn't hesitate giving it to her.

"No! No mommy! No!" I start screaming as my mom's alcohol scented breath washes over me. Her hands slapping me, her feet kicking me. Her fingers inside of me. "Don! Dad! Daddy! Daddy!"

"Shh, angel. I am here. Calm down precious. I am right here sweetheart. It's okay honey. Daddy's here baby." Her screams pierce my heart in billions of pieces. I stroke her cheeks and head before continuing down her arms and back up to her head.

My touch seems to calm her, and she eventually awakens to look up at me, her soulful brown eyes dripping with tears. I reach down and gently wipe them away with the pad of my thumb. "Hey there honey."

"Dad, oh daddy!" I reach down and pull her fully into my lap, tucking her head under my chin. "Shh angel, I am here. It's daddy. Don't be scared honey. I am not going anywhere. I love you to the moon and back. Never forget how much I love you."

"Never forget." Her voice echoes throughout my otherwise quiet office, and I smile. I will never forget.

 ** _Never Forget-The Question:_**

 _Don Cragen:_ _Hey angel. Can you stay at my place tonight?_

 **Liv Benson: What did I do now?**

 _Don Cragen: LOL...Nothing. I just want to spend some time with my only child._

 **Liv Benson: You know what LOL means...**

 _Don Cragen:_ _Careful calling me old..._

 **Liv Benson: You know you love me! See you later. Are we still riding together?**

 _Don Cragen:_ _Yes precious. Get back to work._

Two hours later, a grinning Don Cragen wrapped an arm around Olivia's shoulders as they walked out of the precinct. As soon as they arrived at his place, he sat down on the couch beside her, smiling when Olivia immediately cuddled up to him.

"So daddy, whassup? Don't try to tell me nothing. I was trained by the best." He rolled his eyes at her.

"Alright angel, you caught me." Her heart fluttered every time he used a term of endearment, and she smiled against his shoulder.

"I was wondering if you would go to the Annual Policeman's Ball with me." Olivia cuddled closer to him before replying. "Before meeting you, I was set on keeping my heart closed off. I didn't think that I could stand another disappointment. Then, you came along. You taught me that it's okay to need help It is okay to be scared. You showed me that it is okay to cry. I would be honoured to go to the APB with you because you taught me how to feel, which to me is greater than any gift I have ever received I love you so much dad."

Donald Cragen choked up upon hearing her words. He swallowed over the Texas sized lump in his throat as he pulled her into his lap. Her back was to his chest as she fully relaxed against him.

He kissed the back of her head before saying, "Never forget how much I love you."


End file.
